Yesterday started off rainy and a bit cool and I was expecting my arthritic hands to throb. I was surprised they didn’t as I watched my 3yo son. I had him till 11am and a hair appointment shortly after. The sky’s were getting bluer as I drove the 20 minutes to my appointment. Hands were ok driving,fatigue not to bad,and overall feeling a bit ok.
You almost feel guilty when you have moments of feeling good. Its like….how come? What did I do different? When you have chronic pain & fatigue daily, a “good day” is very rare. You almost don’t want to say it or think it, surely it won’t last long! But what if it does? I went for a walk after my appointment as it was about 2:00pm now. Usually I go early in the morning,but hey…I was feeling ok. So off I went and struggled just a bit. I stretched before but had to push myself the whole way. I got a call asking me to pick up my youngest son for an hour or two and I jumped at the chance. After I dropped him off at his mothers,I came home and ate dinner. It was about 7pm and for some reason only known to a select few, I decided to vacuum part of the house. I could do it,its been a good day right?
As I started to clean part of the kitchen floor it was as if I never did have a “good day”. My whole body hurt badly.I was getting stabbing pain in all my fingers and hands,my neck throbbed and I had to shut the vacuum off. Was I cleaning to late in the day? Was it all an Illusion? I can tell you,you think a million different things. I know all about pacing yourself with Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue,but I don’t think I pushed it at all. Pain is something you never get used to,even if you have it everyday. It’s not like it’s a set schedule you can set your clock by. I guess just be happy for the moments when you can say….Whoops-I feel good today!
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I sometimes feel that guilt you described on good days. I am also still in denial about it. I have a question, if you don’t mind. How long do flares last? Can they be hours or days or weeks long? I know I’m in constant pain but some times it’s worse and the fatigue is down right awful. Are those flares? Sorry if it sounds like a dumb question. I just want to make sure I won’t feel worse than I already have.
Hey ginger,I replied on another screen and dont know if you got it or not,so I will reply again. The flare-ups tend to last a few days to a week.And its usually on top of
our regular symptoms,which make it so bad.I have sleep apnea,and when it wasn’t getting better they discovered a daytime sleep disorder,chronic fatigue? It takes
5yrs of testing to get the diagnosis of Fibro.They prescribed Provigil to stay awake.I was hallucinating at work it was so bad.The weather,humidity,cold,alot can cause
flare-ups,somtimes we just cycle thru them.Not working has helped,if its really bad,I just lay low. But I have two young sons 3 & 5, and my wife decided to bale.Alot on my plate. And stress makes it much worse also.You feel awfull, and you know its a burden on them as well. There is no dumb questions.This is like therapy for me….so PLEASE write as often as you like.
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I can still be critical and sassy and fun and funny and smarter and just do it in a different way that I can feel good about myself.