Off The Beaten Path – Living With FM & Chronic Fatigue

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Today I want to go off the path a little bit and expand on a previous blog titled Failed Relationships. I  have been thinking a lot about how easy it is for a person to just throw away a relationship these days. I asked my therapist about when he was in school…..how many broken marriages ( kids without their mothers & fathers together) there was. Maybe a couple he said…..But now? I bet if you took a pole in today’s classrooms? More than half would be.  Why does this upset me? I think all the focus is on the negative. Its easier to punt,take a pass, cheat ,and just plain get out of a relationship. They say 85% of divorces are initiated by woman. I’m not taking sides here, but the statistics don’t lie. In the olden days I’m told, people (woman?) just put up with things. Is that really a good excuse? I can see if its verbal or  physical abuse, but just because we want to see “what else is out there” ,just doesn’t cut it with me.

We seem to have an excuse with our disease, but I still think things could be,and can be worked out.  I realize first hand the financial burden, the emotional burden,etc. that it puts on a relationship. But why doesn’t it pull us closer instead? Do we read and listen to the media too much? Do we see our friends having so much fun that we wish we could be them? Probably yes to both of those questions.  I just wish the media would talk about the success stories for once. I know they are out their also.

My story was this……I was just starting to feel bad in 2004.That was when my wife and I got together.In the span of five years, it was discovered I had nerve damage in my neck,sleep apnea, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue,severe migraines,and severe ostioarthrites.My two children were born,and I filed for disability. I’m tired just rethinking about it all. However my wife came to a few of the earlier appointments, there were many,many,she chose not to.The movie I rave about? www.invisiblethemovie.com ,she chose not to watch.The book I rave about…What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia , she chose not to read. I don’t know about you people out there,but that does not elicit a relationship in harmony. A lot going on in five years? That I have no doubt,we had a lifetime of hurdles in that time period. But it goes back to what I was saying, you need a partner who accepts, and helps,and most of all understands. In that time I always tried to give all I had. I would still try to cook,clean,work,be a good husband and father.

We all need to take a step back,appreciate what we have in life. If your relationship is going well ,take the time to thank them for everything. If it’s not going well, I urge you to both get counseling, whether together or alone.  Our partners do have a lot going on themselves. Its a lot to absorb and deal with,living with someone who has FM and chronic fatigue. But isn’t it better together?

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